Information Collection and Use
Personally Identifiable Information: The personally identifiable information you submit knowingly and unknowingly to our Website is used to service your account, to provide you with information on Animoil Global products and services, and to use against you in punitive and retaliatory actions (be it in a court of law, the court of public opinion, or the court of sending burly guys with baseball bats to your house at 3 A.M.). The types of personal information that will be collected at our Website include but are not limited to: name, home address, work address, personal e-mail address, work e-mail address, social security number, eye color, height, weight, birth date, license plate number, telephone number, cellphone number, visual likeness, and voice sample. We will also collect this information from any and all past, present, and future associates. We will not sell, share, or rent your personally identifiable information to others, unless we get a really good offer. You do not have to contact us by e-mail or telephone as specified below to update your account information whenever such information becomes incomplete or outdated, because we will already know.
Site Usage: We record any and all information, such as the number and frequency of visitors to our Website, what pages they viewed, how long they viewed them, and what they were wearing while viewing the site. This information includes but definitely is not limited to the websites you access immediately before and after you view our Website, the Internet browser you are using, the device you are using, the credit card number you used to buy the device, your Internet Protocol (IP) address, and your current location.
Cookies: Cookies are text files that are placed in your computer's hard drive when you visit Web pages. They are generally used to allow websites to provide personalized functions or provide information to website owners. Your computer or mobile device must accept cookies to make full use of this Website. Normally, you can configure your browser to accept or reject cookies, alert you when a cookie is set, or delete cookies that have been placed on your hard drive. Our cookies are special, however, and automatically override any attempts to block or delete them. They will also propagate themselves to any other devices you may own and to the devices of any people you may have contact with.
E-mail and Marketing: Animoil Global does not sell its customers' e-mail addresses, and we will never provide your personal information to third parties unless we feel like it. Animoil Global will not send you e-mail messages without first seeking and receiving your permission—which, by viewing this Website, you have automatically implicitly granted to us in perpetuity. Our e-mail messages to you will always include instructions for unsubscribing from our communication programs, but we make no guarantees that these instructions are accurate. Additionally, we will know if you attempt to follow them and will probably submit your e-mail address to a host of unsavory third-party mailing lists in retaliation. We strongly suggest that you never send us any confidential or sensitive communications via electronic methods of correspondence, because we do not pay or treat our customer service department well. They will probably take any valuable information you provide and sell it on the black market.
Although this Website is not intended for children, Animoil Global is mindful of the safety and welfare of children who use the Internet. Animoil Global frequently employs contractors in countries with more open-minded attitudes toward child labor practices. We ensure any children utilized by these contractors are never allowed to browse and be distracted by the Internet while operating dangerous, heavy machinery. We also protect the privacy of these children by going to extreme lengths to conceal their identities and location from the public.
Compliance with Laws: Animoil Global automatically collects personally identifiable information from any and all visitors to our Website, going far beyond the amount we are required to by the USA PATRIOT Act because we are true Americans. We will always disclose your information to the government and/or private parties in connection with an investigation, subpoena, or lawsuit if we do not like you. We will probably enthusiastically offer this information before we are even asked. This is not contradictory to the anti-Big Government sentiments expressed elsewhere on the site; we are perfectly happy with regulatory and punitive actions executed on people and/or organizations who are not like us, especially those that operate counter to Animoil Global's interests.
Transmission of data through the Internet can never be completely secure, even through the use of browser software programs that support the industry standard 128-bit key length SSL encryption. Animoil Global takes full advantage of this fact. Our cyber division constantly seeks out under-protected data and network signals to mine for information that we may profit from. We recommend reviewing and strengthening your passwords, because they were much too easy to crack.